Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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