Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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