I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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