Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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