I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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