my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
