we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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