I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So much rum. So many feels.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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