His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
