He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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