this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize