think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
