Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
