This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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