I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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