everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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