That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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