i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
