I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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