what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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