I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
