im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
