What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I still have a little drunk in my system
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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