I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
