Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize