Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
