Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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