but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
