were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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