I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
