this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
