yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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