If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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