worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
