I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
