K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not