when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.