her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.