Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy