I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
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im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...