unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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