Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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