Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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