Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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