I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize