things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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