i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i need some magic done to my vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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