i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
