you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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