Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
