I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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