is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I could fuck to npr.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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