i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
