sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
