oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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