matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
