Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
