i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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