youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
