hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Someone shit on the floor
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
