My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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