dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
