Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize