u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
